Truthfully

I know what I should do.
I feel it in my bones.
My mind blinks it in neon thoughts.
And pathways illuminated by candor.
And although I try the narrow way.
Always another voice reasons.
Brimming with confidence.
Self esteem and the assurance of averages.
Occasion lapses hurt me.
These thoughts, long hidden,
Berate, belittle and embarrass.
Truthfully I tell you,
These things you should not know.
But if I cannot speak,
How can I grow?